Uncertainty: Volume 2
Uncertainty
Volume 2
Bella Baird
All Rights Reserved
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblances to actual persons, living or dead, are purely coincidental. The author, Bella Baird, holds exclusive rights to this work.
Copyright © 2014 by Bella Baird
All rights reserved
You can now borrow volume three for free with your Kindle Unlimited membership at the following link:
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Table of Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 1
The bedroom felt much colder than usual, almost like a window remained open for a cool breeze to whip through the house. A strong shiver wracked Alice’s body while she lay on her bed. She faced away from the closed door, remaining still in the fetal position. Tears slid across her face and hit the bed undisturbed; she hadn’t bothered to wipe them in an hour or so. Somewhere in the house, a door opened and closed. Footsteps sounded through the hallway and stopped in front of the bedroom door. Someone knocked lightly before saying Alice’s name.
Alice sat herself up in bed and cleared her throat before saying, “Come in.”
Her voice was something of a raspy whisper. She couldn’t speak much louder than that. The back of her head rested on the wall while she watched the door open. She was too physically and emotionally exhausted to bother standing up and opening the door.
Trent popped the door open and stuck his head into the room from around the corner, the way he liked to do when he came over. His smile faltered, and he looked quizzically at her lying there. Tears had made visible lines all down her cheeks. Her expression was one of someone who wasn’t in the present moment. Their eyes connected, but he could tell she was staring through him more than at him. Seeming to realize Alice was not okay, he quickly crossed the room and took her hands.
“Alice! What’s wrong? What happened?” he asked, almost panicking at the sight of her.
“I talked to my parents like you said I should,” she replied in a detached voice.
“They didn’t have good things to tell you?” Trent asked, but he probably knew the answer already.
“My dad said he didn’t think he could help me pay for college. He hasn’t been making enough since the divorce and his layoff. His new job doesn’t offer him a good enough pay, and he’s barely making his own expenses,” Alice stopped and sniffled a little.
“I’m sorry to hear that he’s not doing so well. What about your mom?” Trent inquired.
“My mom’s the reason I’m so upset. She told me that she can’t and won’t help me. Not even a little bit. She said she works too hard to flush money down the drain for something as pointless as my education,” her voice broke toward the end.
Trent’s face turned into a scowl. “That was a really stupid thing for her to say. She knows how much you want to go!”
“She yelled at me for even asking her. She said that I shouldn’t bother wasting time and money when I could just start working full-time after high school,” she said with melancholy.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean? Like college isn’t worth it? You’d make so much more money than she does if you went to school and got a professional job,” his voice rose in anger.
“Try telling that to her,” she answered. “I don’t want the life that she and my dad lived! They’ve done this since they graduated, and they were completely miserable! She worked almost 70 hours a week just to keep us from falling behind. I couldn’t do that to myself.”
“Your mom is the one who wasted her life working some dead end job instead of getting ahead. I wish she could see that you’re a different person than she was. You’re special, and you’re meant to use your brain…not get stuck in mindless work that pays only slightly better than what I make,” Trent sounded infuriated while he talked.
“Why can’t she act like a normal mom? She always treats me like I’m shit,” Alice said, as if he had any answers about her incomprehensible mother.
“I think she’s jealous. She had you as a 16-year-old, so she never got the chance to go to college or live the kind of life someone our age should have,” Trent said with more than a little insight.
“So I’m just a burden for her. I kept her from doing what she wanted, and now I’m being punished,” Alice said.
“Hey! It’s not your fault. You shouldn’t feel like you deserve any blame for the choices that your parents made when they where in high school,” he reassured her, his hands now around her face.
“You’re lucky to have parents that care about you. They’re actually able to help you out when you need it,” she said almost accusingly.
He raised his brow and pursed his lips at her attitude, ready to correct her. “No one is perfect. I barely see my dad, and my mom is just as cold and distant as yours. They may have more money, but they’re not so different from your family. You know, my mom and I get into fights all the time. She refuses to accept that I’m going to college to be anything other than a doctor or a lawyer. She thinks college is a waste unless your career is going to make you filthy rich. My parents don’t understand that happiness doesn’t come from money,” Trent brought his legs up and shifted his body, so he could sit right beside her.
“It sounds like you have a lot to deal with, too,” she said in surprise.
“Yeah, but just think. It could be a lot worse for both of us,” Trent said calmly. He put his arm around her shoulders and looked down at her adoringly.
“You’re right. I can still try for scholarships and loans. It’s not like I’ll never be able to go. My mom will eventually shut up once she sees me doing well as a designer,” Alice’s tone became lighter. “Thank you for making me feel better and for giving me the advice to ask them this soon. At least I’m prepared now for how hard I’ll have to work later. You’re probably the best thing to happen to me. Seriously.”
“No problem, baby. I love you so much,” he said as he snuggled closer to her.
“I love you even more,” Alice wiped more tears out of her eyes as she replied.
“I bet both of our parents will eat it once we’re successful on our own, and we’re both happy,” Trent said.
“Exactly. Promise me that if I ever get like my mom, you’ll throw me into a sewer to live the rest of my life alone,” Alice sounded absolutely serious. “I never want to be as unhappy as she seems.”
Trent laughed deeply and said, “I promise, but I know you could never be like her. You’re too good-natured for that. Neither of us will act like our parents.”
“You think we’ll be the people we are now when we’re older?” she asked with optimism entering her visage.
“I know we will. Actually, I think we’ll be better people,” he said as he brought her closer to kiss her forehead.
“I hope you’re right,” Alice murmured, although she believed he might be.
Alice sprawled across her bed, thinking about that time in her life. Problems with her parents and her ability to confide in Trent were things that she missed. She wished she could go back to that period when day-to-day life was simpler for her. The problems Alice encountered back then seemed so trivial compared to the effects of what she’d done at the party the previous night. So much had changed in that span of time, yet she felt almost exactly the same as she did on that day five years ago. In actuality, she was much worse off this time. There was nothing else to blame for her sadness besides her own actions. She hadn’t gotten any sleep since the cab dropped
her off around midnight. She knew that would happen. A restful night eluded her while she tossed and turned. Her emotions jumped from anger—directed toward herself—to heart-pounding panic. Alice wasn’t sure if or how she would tell Daniel about the kiss she couldn’t stop herself from stealing.
Would he understand what I felt? Would he want to leave me? If he did decide to go, that’s what I deserve anyway. I’ve been acting like an idiot since I got this job. Things should never have come this far.
What made her cry the most was the feeling that she would never get another taste of what she rediscovered when she let Trent in. He was the only one that made her feel like she was floating, like no one else existed. However, Alice just couldn’t allow herself to be with him again. Not when her actions had consequences on others’ lives. Now, the wound—that had only partially healed from the breakup years ago—was totally reopened. She wasn’t able to stop reliving moments from her past. Every kiss and every affirmation of love came back to her with a twist to her insides.
Alice rolled onto her side and brought her knees to her chest. Everything seemed to be falling apart around her. She had feelings for two men at the same time. One probably didn’t want to see her any time soon, and the other might feel the same way if he knew the whole story. She wasn’t sure if she could harbor the guilt following such a big secret, but the idea of losing Daniel was devastating to her as well. She’d already lost Trent to unfortunate circumstances, and now she faced the possibility of Daniel wanting nothing more to do with her. Alice felt like she was backed against a wall facing the edge of a cliff. Fear prevented her from moving in either direction, but this was her only way of moving forward.
Is this really who I am? A terrible and unfaithful girlfriend who doesn’t think about her actions? I didn’t sleep with Trent, but I did emotionally cheat on Daniel. I let something inappropriate happen because I was selfish and unprofessional.
Her return to work on Monday contained more difficulty. She had no clue how she could go on working at Jitter, where she would have to see Trent frequently. He might try to talk about what happened between them. An exponential level of discomfort may exist for both of them afterward. If they’d shown public awkwardness before, their behavior would surely set off alarm bells now. Her friends at work would know that something had changed. They were a pretty observant bunch. Alice shuddered to think about how her work might be impacted if anyone thought she were acting unprofessionally and trying to gain favors using romantic or sexual means.
Alice looked at her phone screen. It read 11:46 in the morning, and she still hadn’t eaten or gotten out of bed. She was way too exhausted to do anything, and her appetite didn’t presently exist. Finally, her eyelids began to feel heavy. Her emotions couldn’t keep her awake any longer. Alice closed her eyes and hoped that sleep would welcome her into its calming depths. Her hopes were answered as she felt herself slipping away. She was leaving harsh reality behind for only a little while, but it would be enough to let her handle the rest of the day.
Sadly, her sleep was fitful at best. The dreams didn’t extend enough kindness to take her away to a nicer place. She dreamed of situation after situation where Trent and Daniel met and talked badly about her or fought over what happened. When she finally awoke, Alice felt no better than before she closed her eyes. She blinked and rubbed furiously to rid her eyes of cloudiness before she looked at her phone again. The time was 7:09 PM.
Damn it! Daniel’s gallery showing. I’m going to be late!
Considerable effort barely got her out of bed. She would at least need to shower and make herself look half-presentable. Alice took longer than usual to do both of those things, and it was well after 8 PM when she flagged down a cab to bring her to the gallery. She didn’t want to waste any more time by getting her car from the garage first. Alice would have normally called Daniel to say she would arrive late, but she figured that he was probably preoccupied. At 8:40, she finally reached the gallery, and she could’ve kicked herself for not setting an alarm before she dozed off. At least it would have awoken her from the awful dreams she had.
Alice dashed inside after hurriedly handing the driver more than enough money. The gallery had a new setup she hadn’t seen before. Instead of just the four outer walls, there were now many shorter, smaller walls in the center. They were all covered with assorted paintings and installations. By the front windows stood evenly spaced white pedestals that hadn’t been there before. Many impressive pottery items and metal sculptures rested on these. The gallery had really come a long way since the last time Alice showed up for a viewing.
Her eyes flicked around the big room, looking for any sign of Daniel. Not immediately seeing him, she walked toward the exposed brick wall in the back. He might have situated himself behind one of the center walls. Alice stopped suddenly when she realized she barely avoided stepping on a blue square on the floor. Upon closer inspection, she saw that it was a picture. It surprised her to see a photograph on the floor when there was more than enough wall space. However, its placement gave the impression that she was staring through a hole in the floor and seeing the ocean far below her. Gentle waves on the surface caught the sunlight, showing patches of brightness. The piece demonstrated simplicity, but it moved Alice for a reason she couldn’t explain. She felt like she was there, afloat in the middle of the ocean, trying to keep her head above the surface. She had to know the artist attached to the work. A small card on the left possessed some information, and she bent down to read it.
Daniel Spade
Pastel on charcoal paper
2’ x 2’
Alice couldn’t believe the card. It wasn’t a photo at all; it was one of Daniel’s realistic drawings. She hadn’t even known he worked on anything like this. Usually, his drawings looked almost like photos, but they lacked qualities in certain areas that kept them from being too realistic. On the contrary, this drawing contained enough detail and remarkable technique to mask the texture of the paper completely. Incredible accuracy lay in the colors he blended together. It looked as if he’d actually been hovering above the water while he drew it. While she crouched there admiring the drawing, a hand fell on her shoulder. Alice stood up speedily and turned to face Daniel himself. A lump formed in her throat, and she couldn’t speak momentarily.
“Did you like my newest addition?” Daniel asked with a hardly concealed grin forcing its way onto his face.
“Yes! Wow, I thought it was a picture at first!” she said as she looked once more at the piece. “I’m sorry I’m late to your show. I woke up…not too long ago.”
“What? Why so late?” He looked totally alarmed.
“Nothing serious. I had a fun night that led to a less than entertaining morning. I was exhausted all day, and my head was killing me. I had to take whatever sleep I could get,” Alice answered.
“That doesn’t sound good. Are you better now?” he said as he rubbed her back.
“I am feeling much better. This just comes as a reminder of why I don’t usually drink. I had a really easy time getting carried away when Veronica kept ordering drinks for me,” she assured him.
“Yeah, she’s something else. That woman has way more energy than I’ll ever have. Well, I’m glad you could make it, even if you’re a bit late. I’ve sold three drawings already. You wouldn’t believe the price they paid either! They all offered well above what I would normally ask, and I didn’t correct them. Is that bad?” Daniel asked, slight worry entering his expression.
“Not at all. I think you’re just getting what you deserve. Now you have a better idea of what people are willing to give you when you sell your next projects,” she stated.
“True. Thank you, baby,” he leaned in to give her a kiss. “Your support means so much.”
Don’t thank me for my support yet. You might regret ever meeting me soon enough.
She permitted their lips to touch and almost cringed after they parted. Her skin crawled imperceptibly. It wasn’t that Alice didn’t wan
t him to kiss her or be close to her. She merely had a hard time accepting his affection after what happened the night before. Alice enjoyed seeing Daniel and having his company, but holding his hand while he showed her around the gallery gave her an excruciating feeling of self-contempt. He seemed totally oblivious to her inner turmoil while talking about the new setup he’d helped to assemble. Alice tried to stay in the moment and look at all the exquisite paintings and sculptures peppered throughout the gallery. Despite the notable amount of amazing artwork and the conversation Daniel maintained, she couldn’t bring herself to stay in the present. Last night held too terrible of a secret. One thing captured her attention quickly; she started to feel hunger pains. It wasn’t long before hunger took over, and her stomach growled. She excused herself to go to the snack table.
Looking at all the food on the table made her stomach burn even more. She realized she hadn’t eaten anything all day. Alice grabbed a plate and loaded it up with two cuts of a veggie wrap, assorted fruits and vegetables, and the last two cookies available. The plate almost overflowed. She would have to come back for bottled water when she was ready. Alice stood there eating a few fruits and vegetables, and then she loaded her plate back up again. A woman standing near the table watched Alice take her plate to leave. She gave Alice a menacing glare, and Alice returned a hesitant smile before putting her head down and darting away. What’s all that food there for if not to eat? No one else seems to be taking advantage. She ate the food slowly on a bench near the entrance—she didn’t want to drop any morsels and attract attention to herself. Once all the food disappeared, she could think clearly about the situation again.
She knew Daniel would need to hear the truth at some point, and hopefully she found the courage to let him know soon. Her lies about the events of last night came out with incredible ease, which made her feel rather horrible. I told him that working with Trent wouldn’t be an issue, and then I lied to him when it did create problems. I let him down. I let myself down! I didn’t think I’d ever be this person. As Alice walked back to the table to get some water, she resolved not to tell Daniel tonight. It would only ruin a happy night for him. Furthermore, she required more time to think about how she’d even break the news to him. It would not be easy to emotionally prepare for his reaction. The fact that he rarely grew angry for any reason could potentially make it harder to endure. She expected a situation in which he would begin crying or completely shut down. Alice really didn’t want to see him in pain, but he had a right to know everything. That kiss couldn’t be kept inside her for much longer.