Uncertainty: Volume 2 Page 5

  “I’m ready for this Monday to be over,” Melanie griped.

  “My thoughts exactly,” agreed Alice. “Hey, do you think I look tired today?”

  “Not any more than usual. Did someone say that?” Melanie asked.

  “Who do you think?” Alice asked as she turned to give Alisha an icy glare. She was talking to someone else instead of preparing to leave. “The thing is, she’s right. I’ve gotten terrible sleep lately, and I just woke up from a nap before she paid me a visit.”

  “Don’t even worry about it. Look around you. Everyone’s crashing after lunch,” she told Alice. “Though it seems like Alisha’s making her rounds. She stopped over here not too long ago to give me some unnecessary advice on my designs.”

  “Is it possible that I can hate someone so soon after starting here?” Alice wondered aloud.

  “Oh, it’s possible. There’s always this one person at every job that thinks they’re a manager or something. It would be hilarious if it weren’t so sad and obnoxious.” Melanie quickly looked from side to side and motioned for Alice to lean in. She whispered, “And I heard that she was fuming once she found out a younger woman had been newly hired to lead the team. She thought her experience automatically qualified her for the position. That may be the case, but her attitude always sucked. No one here would enjoy being led by her. You didn’t hear any of this from me, though.”

  “Got it, sir,” Alice responded quietly before standing up straight again. “So how’s your work going other tha…”

  “Alice!” Veronica interrupted as she turned the corner. “Just who I was looking for. Walk with me.”

  “Okay,” Alice replied with an unsure smile.

  She looked at Melanie and shrugged her shoulders before walking in Veronica’s direction. Curiosity invaded her mind, as it seemed she was no longer ignoring Alice. What could she want now? Our last talk didn’t go so well. I wonder if it’s more about that. Alice followed her onto the elevator. It seemed that they were going to Veronica’s office to talk. An uncomfortable silence prevailed on their ride up. A few more passengers shared the elevator with them, and any conversation about Trent would have to wait. In the meantime, Alice looked at the ceiling and the floor to avoid eye contact with Veronica. After a minute, they came to the 14th floor and headed toward the office. Alice hoped she wouldn’t receive a lecture. She’d already avoided meeting with Trent until she had things more resolved, and now she had this in its place. There was no way she could handle a conversation this heavy in her present state.

  Veronica held the door, and Alice sat down inside right away to prepare for what might happen. The blinds were already closed, so no one could see the two of them talking. Veronica locked her office and sat down at the desk while Alice began sweating.

  “I hope you don’t think I’m a bad person. I’ve really made a mess of things, and that’s my responsibility to deal with. Please don’t hate me though,” Alice pleaded.

  “No, I don’t think you’re a bad person at all. Actually, we’re not so different. I felt a bit hypocritical after you left my office, so I have to apologize for what I said to you on Friday. It wasn’t my business, and I didn’t mean to go off on you like I did,” Veronica spouted. “I know we haven’t known each other that long, so this might be strange to hear from me, but you…just…remind me of my daughter. That was the reason I felt such a connection with you when you first interviewed. I guess that’s also why I overreacted when I walked in on you two and found out that you both lied to me. I didn’t want to see either of you do something that you’d both regret later on. You and Trent are good people.”

  Alice was shocked to hear an apology, and she countered, “I didn’t want to lie to you. It’s just that when I told you I felt nothing for Trent, I was trying to deny it to myself. The truth is that all my feelings for him came back when I saw him again for the first time, but I wanted to forget about our relationship and move on. Obviously, it isn’t as easy as I thought. It wasn’t until the night of the party that we had a confrontation about it, which led to a kiss. After that, I planned to charge into Trent’s office and tell him that our work relationship had to return to normal, but every time I get near him, I can’t function normally. I couldn’t break it off with him. I never stopped loving him, and I have no idea what to do about it.”

  “Did you talk with Daniel about your feelings?” Veronica asked.

  “Yeah, I did. I went to his apartment on Saturday to tell him what happened. Understandably, he kicked me out and said he would talk to me when he was ready. I don’t know what’s going to happen,” reported Alice.

  “What do you want to happen?” she asked.

  “I have a bit of a dilemma. Part of me wants to see if Trent and I can pick up where we left off and be happy the way we were before. Another side of me hopes that Daniel will forgive me, so we can keep living our lives the way we were before I got this job. I hate to say it, but I’m in love with them both. I don’t know how to try fixing this without ruining everything,” Alice said.

  “I know exactly what you’re feeling. I want to tell you about something I went through a few years ago, but you have to promise never to repeat it,” Veronica said earnestly.

  “I promise. What happened?” she asked.

  “I was married for eighteen years. I had a house, a daughter, and a lot of mutual friends. Everything was good until around the eleven-year mark. He seemed to lose interest and become a different person. I felt so unsatisfied, but I never talked to him about anything. I was too afraid to have that conversation. Then another man came into my life. He was charming and sweet, everything I thought I was missing at home. I was reluctant at first, but eventually our friendship turned into more. I went on dates with him and had a great time, all behind my husband’s back. I felt like I was falling in love with this man because he was everything my husband used to be. Even so, I still loved my husband enough that I didn’t feel like I could leave him. He eventually found out anyway, and so did my 16-year-old daughter. During and after the divorce, she wanted nothing to do with me,” Veronica had to stop and wipe her eyes. “Our mutual friends hated me for what I did. Even my family had a hard time accepting the truth. Almost every single person walked away from me.

  “I didn’t talk to my daughter for two years after that. Then, when Jess was 18, she got into a car accident and died. I never got a chance to see her graduate or ask for her forgiveness. She died still hating me, and she never got over what I did. I was so full of remorse that my relationship with the other man fell apart. I hated myself enough that I couldn’t possibly be with anyone. I’ve been alone since then,” Veronica divulged. “I lost everything because I couldn’t act, and I chose the wrong way out. I always wonder what might have happened if I’d just talked to my husband and tried to mend our marriage. Other times, I think it may have been better to just have left him and gotten a clean break before moving on to someone else. Either way, I could have gotten more time with Jess. Maybe she wouldn’t have died at all. I have to live with that possibility.”

  Alice couldn’t have been more shaken by Veronica’s confession. She’d never seen anything in the woman’s normally positive attitude to suggest that she’d gone through such heartbreak. It was clear that Veronica would be haunted for the rest of her life by the outcome of her failed marriage and her encounter with infidelity.

  “The reason I wanted to tell you that story is because I want you to make the right decision for yourself. If it ever comes to picking one over the other, I hope you can figure out what choice is going to make you the happiest and not leave you with regret for the rest of your life. Maybe you stay with Daniel, who represents your future, and become stronger because of this. Or maybe you leave him for Trent, someone that you think you never got a real chance with. But there could be another way. That’s for you to figure out, but my advice is to do what makes you feel the least like a bitch—and do it fast. I held off on my choice for too long, and look what it cost me,” adde
d Veronica, sobbing freely.

  “I’m sorry that happened to you, but I’m glad you told me about it. I was never going to let anything else happen with Trent while I’m connected to Daniel, but I think you helped me figure out what I need to do,” Alice replied softly.

  “I knew you would make a smart choice. In many ways, you’re more responsible than I was,” Veronica sobbed more. “That’s all I wanted to say. Good luck with whatever ends up happening.”

  “Thank you,” Alice said as she stood up and walked around the desk.

  Veronica got up also, looking a bit surprised when Alice leaned over and hugged her tightly. They both stood there for a minute, unable to say anything else. Veronica began crying more intensely, and Alice wasn’t sure what to say to make her feel better. She must have had an incredibly difficult time going over those events again. Alice was really grateful for Veronica’s advice and for her willingness to share such a personal story with her. It must mean that she really cares about me. I wish I could talk with Mom like this. Alice let go and rubbed Veronica’s shoulders before walking toward the door.

  Alice turned back and said, “I don’t think your choices made you a bad person. You just made a mistake. Everyone does. I think that if your daughter had gotten the chance, she would have forgiven you in time. You seem like you made a great mom, regardless of anything you did back then.”

  Veronica looked down and smiled through her tears, but she appeared too overwhelmed to say anything in response. Instead, she sat down and watched Alice leave the office.

  “Bye. I’ll let you know when I finish everything I need to do,” Alice said before shutting the door.

  She hurriedly walked to the elevator in case Trent was to emerge from his office. Alice couldn’t—and wouldn’t—discuss anything with him after her talk with Veronica. It would have been way too much for her to take, especially because she was working her way to a move she should have made a lot sooner. She didn’t want him influencing her decision in any fashion. Whatever she did after that point needed to come from within herself. For that reason, she found it necessary to mull over the entire exchange she had with Veronica for a time. Alice would make certain that her actions were best for herself and everyone else.

  Meanwhile, Alice had a staggering amount of work that still begged for completion. With a couple of hours left in the workday, she had to get back on track to put any kind of dent in the load. Now that she made some mental progress, she felt capable of doing just that and taking on anything to come her way as well.

  Chapter 4

  Alice and Trent sat down at a table in the center of the restaurant. Alice preferred booths, but customers crowded the place. Every section held dozens of people and their children. While she moved her tray closer, she wondered if this date had been a good idea. Yes, Trent was funny and attractive. Was he really more than friend material though?

  He suddenly suspended her thoughts by taking the pickle from his plate and putting it on hers.

  “What are you doing?” Alice asked.

  “I remembered that you said you like pickles. Your meal didn’t come with one, so you can have mine,” he said with a quick smile.

  “When did I tell you that?” she questioned him.

  “Well, you weren’t telling me, but I overheard you say it in class a few weeks ago,” Trent replied.

  “And you remembered that?” her surprised showed.

  “Yeah. I have a good memory, especially when it comes to things you say,” he responded uneasily, like he didn’t know whether he should tell her such information or not.

  Alice’s face reddened as a result of his compliment, but her curiosity made her ask, “So what else do you remember about me?”

  “I know that you love animals, you’re closer to your dad, you live with your mom, and red is your favorite color,” Trent listed off slowly.

  “That’s really good! I’m surprised you knew all that. I can’t tell you when I said any of those facts,” Alice shrugged.

  “Can you remember anything about me?” Trent asked brashly.

  “Um, you…wear size 13 shoes. You…can’t eat breakfast until you’ve been awake for two hours. And…uh…you…have a puppy!” she said much less confidently until her last statement.

  “Not bad at all. Except that I don’t eat breakfast until two and a half hours after waking up. It’ll do, though,” Trent teased.

  “Oh, big deal! I think you’re just a better eavesdropper than I am,” Alice said as she brushed his knee under the table.

  “No, it’s just hard not to listen to and take in everything about a girl like you,” he told her.

  “What do you mean, ‘a girl like you?’” she pried.

  “I mean a girl as beautiful as you. You have confidence, but you don’t act like the world revolves around you. It’s like you don’t realize how amazing you are. Your voice is kind and really easy to listen to. Any time you smile or laugh, people can’t help but to stop what they’re doing and look at you. My favorite part of class is getting to see you and be near you,” he rambled. “I’m sorry. Am I embarrassing you? That was really cheesy.”

  “No, I’m not embarrassed. I’m flattered you see me that way. No one’s ever told me anything close to what you just did. Thank you,” Alice’s surprise and pleasure came out in her words.

  It appeared that Trent was better at expressing his feelings than he looked. Alice had already accustomed herself to the Neanderthals at her school referring to her as “hot” or “sexy” instead of “kind” or “beautiful.” That’s why she never gave anyone else the time of day. No one acted like they were interested in her or what she had to say.

  After only a short while on their date, she could sense a difference in Trent. Alice began to think she’d made a good selection with whom to go on a date. Her interest in Trent grew stronger, so she managed to change the subject to him. They talked for a couple hours, after finishing their food, about music, movies, artists, and some of their personal lives. Once they left, they stopped by the bowling alley for a couple of games. She didn’t want the night to end. By the end of that date, Alice knew she wanted another one.

  Alice wasn’t sure what got her thinking about that night. Maybe it was the people around her, laughing and having a good time. Some of them appeared to be on casual dates. The small café began to empty of customers rapidly, exhibiting the total opposite flow of the first date Alice and Trent ever had. The café would meet complete desertion within the hour, but Alice couldn’t complain about it. She hoped that there would be no one left to hear the imminent exchange between her and Daniel. He’d invited her to meet there to talk, intentionally leaving his text vague enough to make her wonder what his mood would be and what he’d ultimately say to her.

  If you want to talk, meet me at our favorite café at 10 tonight.

  No hatred or sadness hid behind the words, but Alice imagined him still steaming as he typed. The shortness made the words sound so…final. It seemed that he would arrive late to the discussion he set up, however. Her phone told her it was half past 10. Alice was sure because she checked it three times in one minute, keeping watch for any updates from him. Maybe he was purposefully trying to make her wait as a punishment for her missteps. Every extra minute Alice waited for him left her doubting herself more and more. What if I’m making the wrong choice? I haven’t even had a full day to think about Veronica’s advice and if I could really handle the consequences of what I plan to do. She took a deep breath and urged herself to relax a bit and see what happened. For all Alice knew, Daniel would turn up to end the relationship and try to move on with his life. After everything that happened, he had every right to do so. Considering how furious he’d been on Saturday afternoon, she had to believe it was the most likely result of this meeting. If that happened, she’d really have no option to act on.

  Alice took a big gulp of her smoothie. She opted against coffee; she would have a hard enough time going to sleep that night. Work in the morning mig
ht border on impossible if she got to sleep later than 3 in the morning. From her booth way in the back corner, Alice watched the last few patrons mill out onto the street. They seemed to laugh at something one of the guys said. She wondered if any of these people felt as happy and carefree as they appeared. Envy coursed through her veins. She desperately wished that she could soon find peace in her life. The last month had been one of the worst in terms of stress and overall tone. The best she could hope for in the near future was to feel only moderately frazzled or depressed, and that’s if she could follow through with her course of action.

  Her phone started to vibrate across the table. Maybe it’s Daniel saying that he won’t be able to make it. Astonishment came over her as she looked at the screen. Her mom’s picture showed on the screen instead of Daniel’s. What could she want right now? It’s not the time for this sort of talk. Against her better judgment, Alice answered the phone anyway.

  “Hi, Mom,” she couldn’t bother to feign eagerness at the moment.

  “Hey, sweetie. Are you busy? You sound busy. I bet you’re getting ready for bed,” Karen said briskly.

  Sweetie? She’s never called me that. She’s acting really weird tonight.

  “Well, now’s not a good time. Are you okay, though? You sound funny,” Alice voiced her concern.